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今天讲一个故事,探究下上瘾更本源的一些东西!

  01   

老罗从一个小县城里走出来,在一线城市安家立业了,也有个可爱的女儿,在亲戚朋友眼里都是骄傲,毕竟能在大城市立足。

 

但是他有个事一直瞒着家里深爱的妻子和乖巧的女儿。

 

一天下午一点, 老罗吃完午饭回到办公室,看到桌上摆了份文件,是厚厚的一沓表格。同事提醒他要在下午五点以前把这些填好并签字,这是为公司季度财务报告准备的,会计部门的人说,他们今天必须拿到。

 

他拿起那打表格看了看,最后他坐了下来, 一边翻阅一边摇头,嘀咕着“真烦,会计又让他填这一堆烂东西,我其他的事都没做完,这些东西至少得填3小时。”

   02   

老罗挠了挠头发,然后打电话给妻子:“今晚我可能会回去的晚点……我知道,但是今天必须得加班做点事……额,太晚了,得10点回家吧,告诉女儿明天再陪她画画……”

 

他往椅背上一靠,当时就知道最后下班时他要干什么了。他低头看着那堆表格。 没错,下班了一定得多喝两杯。

每当心情不好时他就瞒着家里人去喝很多酒,有严重的酒瘾,但妻子只是觉得他比较贪杯而已,没察觉到他的瘾与痛苦。

妻子很讨厌他喝酒,女儿也觉得他喝多了之后酒气大不好闻,避而远之。但他今晚并没觉得这个有多重要,一心只想喝酒。他把身子往前倾了倾。既然已经决定要去喝酒,他感觉心情好多了。现在他可以投入工作了。

   03   

一次,小时候,他在自己的房间里和哥哥玩耍时,听到了父母大吵。这种事经常发生。吵架声音大的时候,他能听清很多话,但多数对他没有意义。

吵架声停了, 过一会儿, 他母亲到他房间里来了。

 

“我头疼,要躺一下。家里有人要来,我需要你把客厅收拾一下。还有把毛巾和要洗的衣服放—起。”

“可是妈妈,我的城墙积木刚搭了半截。”

“我需要你现在就为我做这些事。”

爸爸也时常提出这样的要求。

他小时和哥哥也经常打架,但后来情况更加恶化,因为他们不打了。哥哥只是对他视而不见。他用能想到的—切来引起哥哥的关注,但这些努力完全是徒劳。

    04    

二十年后,当老罗不得不在下午5点以前完成那一沓表格的时候,他愤怒至极。其他人也要填写相同的表格,但却没有像他那么心烦意乱。

是什么触发了他的愤怒?

决定去喝上一杯与解决问题又有什么关系?

对他之前的经历有所了解后,明白这一点就容易多了。

    05    

什么是上瘾?有各种各样的理论都在试图回答这个问题。如果你自己正遭受上瘾之苦或关心着某个上瘾的人,很多人用通常的治疗方法并不能戒瘾。

 

每个人都知道,上瘾对人不好。那些深受其苦的人可能对这点最为了解,因为他们有亲身体验。

尽管如此,可他们依然沉溺于上瘾中。这看起来有些奇怪,但瘾癖肯定有它特别的用处。

 

而事实上,这种用处必须非常之大,使它胜过戒瘾带来的好处,胜过婚姻、家庭、朋友和健康,胜过自己深爱的职业,甚至能使人不惜去伤害自己心爱的人。

    06    

是什么竟然重要到让—个原本理智、聪明的人要通过反复某种上瘾行为来毁掉自己的生命?

 

就外部世界而言,事业、家庭和成功,确实没有什么值得人放弃—切。那么,上瘾的目的肯定存在于内部世界,关乎对情感的感觉。

 

当他想到喝一杯的时候,他就会感觉好些。重要的是,这不是因为他体内有什 么酒精,而是想到喝酒这一行为本身对他就已足够。

要理解为什么这都有用,我们只需看看他开始考虑喝酒那—刻的感觉。一旦罗生想到在回家的路上到酒吧喝上—杯,他就立刻感到了压力的释放。这是为什么呢?

答案是,老罗喝酒的决定减轻了他无助的感觉。他可以完全在自己的控制之下采取一种能使自己感觉良好的行动,他成了自己内在生命的主宰。

   07   

他控制的不仅是一般的无助感,而且是那种触及他生命核心情感问题的无助感

不错,就现实而言,他仍然深陷家庭与工作这两种相互矛盾的外在义务中。但在那个关键时刻,对他来说最重要的是完全改变这种一直都令他难以忍受的特别的无助感。确实,他也许还要工作到很晚,但是,他不会是任人摆布的棋子了,至少那天不是。

这就是上瘾的目的。

上瘾是一种旨在改变那种令人无法忍受的、深深的无助感的行为。那种无助总是深植于对个体极为重要的事情之中。

 

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